I’ve been teaching my little budda all the body parts, as he’s become increasingly fixated on body parts over the past two months  – particularly doodles, bums and boobies. As amusing as this can be, it has also been beyond mortifying on MANY occasions! So once the mortification and shock has worn off (usually someone else’s shock and my mortification), it’s usually a very funny experience (especially if you’re watching it happen to someone else).

Isn’t it amazing how much little boys (and big boys for that matter) are obsessed with their doodles? Sometimes, I wish I was as excited about anything as much as my little budda is about his doodle…. I mean he’s always looking at it, touching it, even taking off his clothes and nappy off to check that it’s still there….where the hell else would it be??? Even in the bath surrounded by toys and bubbles…..you guessed it – still one hand on the doodle….

Now I must admit that because of this rather wide spread body parts fascination, I was initially quite concerned that there must be something wrong. So I began quizzing other mums I knew, starting with my mum – after all she successfully raised not just me but two other children to adulthood plus she is also a retired mid wife (basically a baby cheat sheet) but most importantly she understands my weirdness (she’ll be able to interpret what I want). Well firstly, as anyone with a baby will know, I got the age old “every baby/kid is different…..” so I just cut her off right there and pointed out that as my primary source of information (above Google or RFDS medi-consult) plus being a mum and a mid wife she was basically a baby cheat sheet and it was pretty much her duty to let me start cramming! Now to this……let’s just say I didn’t get the response I was after…..turns out there is nothing wrong with him (not itchy etc), he is just a normal doodle touching, boobie and bum obsessed little boy.

God this is bound to be embarrassing for the rest of my life (as boys obsessions with their doodles, as it turns out only ends when they die). Then I started to internally freak out….How am I supposed to deal with doodle questions??? BFG is only here every second week for a week)…..I don’t have a doodle…..and their wrinkly and weird looking. After pretty much exploding my mental panic attack brown paper bag I gave myself a mental slap and began the deal with it. So now I’m now pretty much just as fascinated with his doodle as he is! Without sounding gross or pedo-like…..

Seeming as he was a breastfed baby, I somewhat get budda’s fascination with boobies – basically they’re breakfast/lunch/dinner = they’re awesome. Now I’m used to him touching my boobies and when we’re playing on the floor or the couch and he lifts up/pulls down my shirt, I make a bit of a joke out of it and tell him “they’re my boobies now, you gave them up. You don’t need them anymore, you’re a big boy”. Usually that suffices or I ask him “where are your boobies” and he points etc. However, when he does it to other women that’s a different story……that’s when I die a little inside….Luckily he’s still relatively cute, so the unsuspecting women who fall victim to buddas groping’s, laugh it off. However he is now in the transmission from cute baby/toddler to demon spawn two year old – so I’m not sure not much longer this cuteness will last.

Bums are also high on his list of fascination……long gone is the time of me going to the toilet alone – unless I want a meltdown of epic proportions….it’s not exactly a relaxing experience – trying to finish up doing your business (either 1 or 2) with an audience all the while fending off “helping hands” as apparently you are not capable of wiping yourself……this is sometimes a far too much and I just have to take a stand and shut the door……..knowing full well the consequences of my actions – but it’s my bum damn it and the only one wiping this bad boy is me! Plus we’re not even up to toilet training yet so why oh why does he want to try and help wipe???

The funniest bit of my little buddas bum obsession – is the actual crack…….yes that’s right the actual bum crack! It’s almost like he thinks there’s hidden treasure in there somewhere…..He’s always trying to dig around in there and FYI doesn’t matter whose bum crack it is either! Even the pets aren’t always safe……especially the dogs, walking around with their tails in the air – they’re basically holding up a neon sign aren’t they??? Luckily I’ve now managed to clamp down and stamp out any and all non-human bum crack investigation……human bum crack investigation however is still very much uncontrolled at my house…..but I’m working on it. My advice – don’t bend down without your back to the wall unless you want a very small finger in your bum crack!

I probably don’t understand “doodle awesomeness” because I don’t have one. Well I sort of get it – doodles = standing up to pee and you can pretty much pee anywhere, so that’s convenient I guess, and I know I’m sounding completely girly here, but let’s face it – they’re not exactly pretty are they? I however get “boobie awesomeness” – they’re soft, they feed babies and they’re mine! Plus they’re great for “assisting” getting what you want sometimes (c’mon we’ve all done it at least once ladies). “Bum awesomeness” I’m not so sure about though…….