So I’m now another year older but I’m not totally sure that I’m any wiser. When I talk with my friends, the phrase “when I’m a grown up” comes up in conversation a lot – in fact the subject of adulthood in general comes up a lot. Grown up jobs, grown up lives, grown up things – but how exactly do we know when we’re a “grown up”?

So this year I’m the big 29 – the final year of my twenties and one step closer to the big 3..0 or as my baby brother likes to remind me…half way to 60! Ah to be young and know everything again….

Question to the universe – how do you know when you have become a grown up? Most days I wonder just how exactly I manage function on a daily basis….my house usually looks like I have 25 hobos living in it and my list of daily tasks remains barely touched. Due to being the somewhat amazing combination of Bipolar and
having ADD, I need to have lists! Anyone who knows me, is aware th
at I am constantly distracted by shiny things (like a bird) and life in general = I must have a list (basically if it’s not on the list then it doesn’t exist). Many people know about my lists – I literally have dozens of scrap piece
s of paper scattered throughout my house with remnants of scribbled and most times illegible lists. These can range from; to do’s, packing, things to cook for the week or even just music to download…..Usually I love my slightly dysfunctional disorganised (well I know where everything is) chaos but sometimes it’s even too much for me! I’m pretty sure it drives almost everyone else crazy. I’m sure even my BFG even wonders how I survive on a daily basis, but like the humble creature he is; says nothing and just straps himself in
for the wild ride!

So if growing up and growing older are the same – why do th
ey feel so different? Some days I can feel about 300 years old but still not feel anything remotely close to mature. Well as of today – my 29^th birthday – I have come to the somewhat mature decision – that I do not want to grow up, instead I will just get older.

I started thinking about what being a grown up means to me. The first thoughts that came to mind were – success, secure job, car, house, kids and life pretty much planned out and under control. However my current reality is this;

* Success – hmmmm….we’ll just skip this one for now

* Secure Job – possibly being a farmer should be rethought (although I know both my BFG and I would never be happy being anything else but farmers)

* Car – well if I’m truthful I own a chrome bull bar and a very nice bonnet

* House – comfortable but rented not owned (can’t even begin to imagine owning a house)

* Kids – 1 boy (exhausting, terrifying and fun at the same time) and I’d like to think I’ve done a reasonably good job so far (he is still alive = winning!)

* Life pretty much planned out and under control…..does anyone really have everything under control? I certainly don’t. I can’t even offer the illusion of having it remotely under control….

Maybe it’s my new birthday wisdom emerging, maybe it’s acceptance or maybe it’s just being too tired to care – but maybe it’s okay to not have everything sorted, planned and under control. Maybe just accepting what you have and being happy with that is what makes you a grown up? To be truthful, I have no idea what being a grown up means and maybe I never will but the important thing – is that I’m OKAY with that! And not okay, like when your parents force you to apologise to a sibling after a fight through clenched teeth with rolling eyes, but really truly okay with it. If you want to get all hippie and spiritual, I suppose you could say I’ve made peace with the fact that my slightly dysfunctional disorganised chaos of a life gives people hives just to think about (especially my wonderful mum) BUT it works for me and my travelling circus.